It’s easy to confuse compliance with compatibility. – Terri Cole
[now read this again, slowly]
How good is this?!
And this is just one of the quote-worthy ideas that Terri Cole, a psychotherapist, relationship expert and author, shares in her interview on boundaries.
(she’s just released a book on it, Boundary Boss)
We all know by now that setting healthy boundaries is crucial for our mental health.
What’s a simple definition of setting those boundaries?
To let others know what’s OK and what’s not OK.
When unchecked, weak boundaries can result in accumulating grudges for the things we never really wanted to do in the first place. They can also lead to us simply not engaging with the tasks we’re taking on.
We’ve all done that: said YES to something just to find ourselves regretting it, then finally doing it, but with very little joy and enthusiasm.
Ah, and how horrible can a combination of weak boundaries and people pleasing be in a relationship!
(I’ve had that before – can’t even say “once…” – and it can be devastating to your self-worth, let me tell you. Please don’t go down that road.)
Interestingly, as Brené Brown notices, the people who her research found to be the kindest and to live most wholeheartedly were the same people…who…happened…to be setting healthy boundaries.
Which kinda makes sense: suddenly, there are fewer grudges in your life, less of a sense of powerlessness, and the projects you do say YES to you do that to with joy.
But so how to do that?
How to reflect on our current boundaries and how to start putting conscious effort to set them in line with our values?
This interview is a great start.
Please spend that time on yourself. Put that conscious effort NOW to help yourself live more wholeheartedly.